Across the gateway to my heart
I wrote "No Thoroughfare
But love came laughing by, and cried;
"I enter everywhere."
By: Herbert Shipman
Did you know that obey is a four letter word? Guess what: so is love. Jesus said, "If you love me you will obey me." Notice this is a statement of fact, not a command: it is our nature to want to please the one we love. We please them by doing what they ask us to do Ė obey them.
If you do not love your husband, it is hard to obey him. Donít you suppose they notice the absence of love simply because there is an absence of obedience? I know! I could have skipped that Biblical principal.
When I first got married, I could not do enough for my husband. I wanted to please him in every way. Cleaning house, preparing his meals and taking care of his laundry was a joy. If he wanted to do something, I wanted to also.
After we had been married long enough for the pain to develop and hide the love, I had a hard time making myself clean house, prepare meals and do laundry. If I did them, I felt worn out. I was too tired to do the things Al wanted to do. If I didnít do them, I felt guilty and depressed.
Love breeds energy to do things we would otherwise feel put upon to do. Resentment (anger & bitterness) breads depression and overwhelming energy drain.
After I started loving my husband again, I wanted to do things for him and had the energy to do it. Love shows the difference between want to and have to. As wives, we are obligated to do certain things. Without love it is a have to Ė with love it is a want to.
How many times have you felt your child did not love you because he did not obey you? Especially, your teenager, they know right from wrong. Through our own children and how we feel when they do or donít do certain things, we can know how our husband and God feels. This is why Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." He knew we go by our feelings more than anything else. After all, he gave us those feelings.
Feelings set aside: God built principles into the universe that when applied to our lives cause things to happen and make our lives better.
Example: If you are flying an airplane and it goes into a spin, you feel like pulling the yoke back and the airplane away from the ground. If you do what you feel is right, you will die.
A principle of aviation is that you push the yoke forward and the airplane into a steep dive toward the ground. After you pick up speed, you can tap the rudder ant the spin will stop. Then when it stops spinning, you pull the yoke back and fly out of the dive.
God built the principles of aviation into the universe and man discovered them. Man did not invent the principles Ė they just learned how to use the principles God had already built into the universe.
Using your feelings could cost lives. Using Godís principles will save lives.
One of Godís major principles is that Christ is the head of the husband and the husband is the head of the wife. The principle we will learn is man has the authority in the household. Authority means Ė power to influence or command through, opinion or behavior: persons in command.
When a wife living with her husband makes a vow, enters a contract or makes a promise, her husband can nullify it. He must do it right away because by saying nothing when he hears of it, he allows it to stand. The husband is now responsible for the results. This is why God held Adam accountable for Eve listening to Satan. He could have nullified her decision but he chose to be silent.
If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt. Num. 30:15
Example: The wife buys a stove on credit. The law says three days are allowed to annul the contract. The husband sees the new appliance Ė he can order it kept or returned; but if he waits four days and decides to return it, the debt is his and he is liable for the debt.
Authority and responsibility are always joined together. How can someone be held responsible if they have no authority to change anything?
Authority does not mean superiority. God does not consider men superior to women; he simply knows someone has to have authority in a marriage to avoid confusion.
In giving man the authority, God also made him responsible for his wifeís actions. This is freedom for her Ė not slavery! If she loves him, she will do nothing that will separate him from Godís guidance or hinder his prayers.
When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, nothing happened until Adam did also. Then, and only then, were their eyes opened. Adam had authority and responsibility from the start. This is why the Bible says, "Sin came through one man, Adam."
ÖWhen the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and
pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some
and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he
ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they
were naked; Ö Gen 3: 1-7
For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be alive. 1 Cor. 15: 22
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, Ö Nevertheless,
death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those
who did not sin by breaking a Command, as did Adam, who was a pattern
of the one to come. Ro. 5: 12-14
What would have happened if Adam had spoke up and ordered Satan to leave and told Eve to not eat the apple? Or if he had refused to eat and told Eve she should not of eaten the fruit. What if he had said, "God told me not to eat the fruit and I told you not to eat it. I forgive you for eating it; but you must never eat it again." Would God have kicked them out of Eden?
Eve did not sin against God Ė she sinned against Adam. If Adam had refused to eat the fruit, he would not have sinned. Had he admonished Eve and forgiven her, sin would not of entered the world.
Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am
sending you." And with hat he breathed on them and said, "Receive the
Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not
forgive them, they are not forgiven." John 10: 21-23Instead of forgiving Eve, Adam joined her and sinned against God.
God does not allow us to prevent someone from being forgiven. That is why after God accepted Al as his child and forgave him, He would not allow me to be unforgiving of Al for the past. He made life so miserable for me that I had to forgive Al. Are you withholding forgiveness from someone?
Would Eve have gotten off with no repercussions? She would have reaped what she had sown. She would probably have still had greater pains in childbearing and her desire would have been for her husband and he would have ruled over her. But she would not have been kicked out of Eden and because Adam forgave her, God would have forgiven her.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the
Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to
their husbands in everything. (Eph 5:22-24)
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of
them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by
the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your
lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be
that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and
called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do
not give way to fear. (1 Pet. 3:1-6)
Notice the scripture does not say to be submissive to your husband only "if" he agrees with the word of God. It says to be in submission even "if they do not believe (obey-KJV) the word." Our husbands have authority over us and Christ is the head of the husband. This has been the case since the beginning.
We have been striving diligently to remove the curse in recent years. Saddle-block, epidermal and painkillers have been developed but they only ease the pain. We have not succeeded. We have generally come to expect pain in childbirth.
Women have screamed equality for generations and end up in a marriage battling for rule in the home. Do we really expect God to change a principle he has woven into the fabric of creation? No? Why do we try to change it ourselves? We are not greater than God.
Yes, I know men who are trying to throw off the curse because they are lazy and donít like to work. I also know a lot of women who prefer working outside the home instead of having babies and taking care of their children. Itís like the genders want to trade curses. But this book is not written for men.
Do we listen to Satan who tempts us with power, pleasures and riches and rewards us death or to God who offers us love, peace and joy and rewards us eternal life? Have we learned nothing?
Your greatest concern is that your husband might want you to do something you consider to be a sin. If you take care of the obeying part, Jesus is fully capable of taking care of whatever your husband wants you to do. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He still has the ability to soften and harden hearts. I can assure you that he can change your husbandís mind.
In August of 1977 I decided to put 1 Peter 3:1-7 into practice. I would obey my husband and keep my mouth shut. I think obeying my husband was easier than keeping my mouth shut.
Almost immediately he came home and asked me to do something that was out of character for him and would break a commandment. He said, "We have been invited to join a wife swapping club and I think we should do it."
I said, "I have to go to the bathroom." After I closed the bathroom door, I told Jesus, "Lord I want my husband saved. I do not want to break your commandment; but I am going to do what you told me to do in your word to get my husband saved. It is up to you to take care of what Al wants me to do."
As I entered the living room, Al said, "That was the stupidest thing I have ever wanted to do. We canít do that." I found it hard to contain myself. God had heard and acted Ė he had changed Alís mind! Hope began to grow.
Without realizing it I had been trying to be God to Al. I had been trying to be Alís Lord by preaching to him and trying to change him. I gave Al to Jesus in the bathroom and allowed him to be Alís Lord (head). I can change no one. God changes them inside out. I made Al accountable to God instead of me.
God will hold your husband accountable for any action he demands you do that is against God'í will. That sounds like a profound statement unless you consider that God is just. God would not give the authority to one person and then hold the person without authority responsible for the action.
If your husband goes weird on you (Satan will try to keep him), God is fully capable of handling him. He can change your husbandís mind. Remember Abraham? God told him to kill his son as a test of Abrahamís faith. Since Abraham was willing to give up his son (his most loved possession), God counted it as faith and provided a ram to be slain in his sonís place.
Remember this, Abraham went the distance. At the last minute God intervened. Just because you husband makes a suggestion, does not mean he is going to do it. Give him time to change his mind. Be quiet and talk to Jesus.
Remember in verse 6 it said Sarah was submissive to her husband and did not give way to fear. She trusted God with what her husband wanted her to do. God protected her by giving the Egyptian ruler a dream that scared him. God also rewarded her with a child in her old age and Abraham with many riches for her obedience.
Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived
between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there
Abraham said of his wife Sarah, "She is my sister." Then Abimelech king
of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her. But God came to Abimelech in a dream
one night and said to him, "You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman." Now Abimelech had not gone near her, so he said, "Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, 'She is my sister,' and didn't she also say, 'He is my brother'? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands." Then God said to him in the dream, "Yes, I
know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her. Now return the man's wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die." Early the next morning Abimelech summoned all his officials, and when he told them all that had happened, they were very much afraid. Then Abimelech called Abraham in and said, "What have you done to us? How have I wronged you that you have brought such great guilt upon me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should not be done." And Abimelech asked Abraham, "What was your reason for doing this?" Abraham replied, "I said to myself, 'There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife. Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God had me wander from my father's household, I said to her, 'this is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, "He is my brother. Then Abimelech brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him. And Abimelech said, "My land is before you; live wherever you like." To Sarah he said, "I am giving your brother a thousand shekels of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated." Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife and his slave girls so they could have children again, for the LORD had closed up every womb in Abimelech's household because of Abraham's wife Sarah. Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. (Gen. 20:1-21:2)
Sarah obeyed her husband even though he lied because he was afraid of the King. God protected her in her obedience. Do you trust God to protect you? A Christian husband is worth more than riches.
What sin are you concerned about your husband wanting to do? Are you a Gentile? Do you know what the Bible says for you?
It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything
beyond the following requirements: You are to abstain from food sacrificed to
idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality.
You will do well to avoid these things. (Acts 15:28-29)
This is all the Christian churches are allowed to consider as sin for the Gentiles. What a revelation!
When is the last time your husband asked you to drink blood or eat food sacrificed to idols? Never? If he ever does, God can take care of it.
I do realize that drinking blood is part of Satan worshiping. So, donít think this is never done today. They do it to mock God. Is your husband into Satan worshiping? If he is, he has probably already committed adultery because gang rape and murder is also part of their rituals. Read "For Battered Women Only" and decide what you want to do.
Donít jump to conclusions and go off half informed. Find facts and act rationally in accordance with the facts you have. Keep calm and avoid emotionalism. Remember that one of the fruit is self-control and exercise it as needed while obeying God and your husband. Learn to lean on Jesus and keep your eyes on him.
Do you eat meat from animals that are strangled? In our day and age we do not have any way of knowing. We are to trust God with the food we purchase.
Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience,
for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it." If some unbeliever invites you
to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake--the other man's conscience, I mean, not yours. For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for? So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
(1 Cor. 10:25-31)
True repentance results in our submission to God and his will.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say to love your husband. The Bible says that the older women should teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children. This indicates that love is taught and can be learned. If no one has taught you how to love your husband, seek an older, godly woman and ask her advice. Surely you know someone who has a loving relationship and a good marriage.
The Bible says you are to be submissive to your husband. This is a hard thing to do if you do not love him; but God can love him through you. Ask Jesus: It will amaze you how much you love your husband.
If you learn to obey your husband who you can see and touch, it will be easier to obey God whom you cannot see.
If we are too good to associate with sinners, we are no earthly good. If we participate in sin, we are no heavenly good. We must learn to separate the sin from the sinner. We also must realize that some of the things we consider sin is not sin according to the Bible.
Titus 1:15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and
do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences
1 Tim 4:7 Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales;
rather, train yourself to be godly.Does your husband want you to go to a club: have a drink and dance with him? Most men mean just that Ė drink and dance with him only. If you dance with someone else, he will get angry even if he told you it would be OK.
Yes it is OK to go out and dance with your husband. He is your husband: Itís OK if he desires you. Besides if he is dancing with you, he is not with someone else.
When I searched out dancing in the Bible, I found it was approved of by God. King David danced half naked down the street with women. Micca, his wife, got mad at him and chastised him for it. God made Micca barren for chastising David about dancing.
"If you dance with a man, it will make him lust after you." How many times have you heard this? In the Bible the biggest example of lust and dancing is about Herod and the daughter of Herodias. If you read it carefully, you will find that her dancing did not cause Herod to lust after her. He asked her to dance before him because he was already lusting after her.
Could it be that your husband lusts after you? Is there anything wrong with that? No!
If he wants you to have a drink with him, itís OK. The Bible does not say donít drink Ė it says do not get drunk. If you sip a drink for two or three hours, you will not get drunk. If you donít want an alcoholic beverage, clubs sell coke and will serve you water if you prefer. A nice side benefit is that you can drive home and your husband will not be driving while intoxicated. This could actually save his or some innocent persons life.
But if someone you know sees you go into or leave a club, what might they say? Are you trying to please men or God? Even Jesus was criticized for going where sinners were.
When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your
teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" On hearing this, Jesus said,
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what
this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the
righteous, but sinners." (Mat 9:11-12)
Before Al became a Christian, I went to clubs with him. Strangers would approach me and ask questions about Jesus. I always answered their questions as simply as possible. Al never objected to my answering their questions. In fact he was amused and we never could figure out how they knew I was a Christian. I just figured God sent them over to remind me.
Curiosity got the better of me one night and I asked a man if he had a Christian friend who would be happy to answer his questions. He answered, "I wouldnít give them the privilege of answering my questions. They think they are too good to go where I go. But you are different Ė you donít think youíre too good and you care enough to come where I am."
Do you care enough about your husband to go where he goes?
Some how we have to live in moderation. In Ecclesiastes 7:15-18 thereís this implication: Donít be so earthly that you are no heavenly good; and donít be so heavenly that you are no earthly good.
Ask for wisdom and he will give it to you. This is one of the things he says that if you ask for it he will give it to you without finding fault. (James 1:5)
If you have a Bible, I assure you that all the answers are in your possession. Seek and you will find.
Do not be critical. Your husband will notice that you care about him even though you do not participate in what he is doing.
Obeying your husband in word and deed isnít enough. Your expression can speak more than words. Do you do what your husband says in such a manner that you put him on a guilt trip and he wishes heíd never asked? Guilt is Satanís tool! Why are you using it? Use the fruit of joy in your obedience.
I guarantee your husband will notice a change in you when you start to joyfully obey him. He will wonder what has happened to you. If you make a habit of reading your Bible each day and leaving it on the coffee table, he just might decide it made the difference. He may pick it up to read it out of curiosity. I stuck a Bible in my husbandís duffel bag each time he went out to sea. After 13 years he finally read it. How amazing it is that God can teach a man directly without the help of a person. Al was out to sea on the USS John F. Kennedy - just him, God and a Bible.
If your husband asks you why you are suddenly obeying him, tell him Jesus told you to and helped you love him enough to do it. If he asks no other questions, leave it there. Eventually he will ask you or someone else about Jesus. Or like Al, he may just get curious and read the Bible for himself.
Psa 127:1 A song of ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the
watchmen stand guard in vain.Are you trying to build your house by leading your husband? Are you trying to get your house straightened out? Have you been able to do it? Maybe is it time for you to let go and allow Jesus to put your house together for you.
John 5:19 Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can
do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing,
because whatever the Father does the Son also does.
John 5:30 By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment
is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.
John 8:28 So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you
will know that I am the one I claim to be and that I do nothing on my own
but speak just what the Father has taught me.If Jesus only did, said and taught what he saw, heard and taught what he saw, heard or learned from the father, should we do otherwise? If Jesus (who is God incarnate) could do nothing without Godís help, can we (who are mere mortals) save our husbands by ourselves? Do you need help to obey your husband? You need Jesus to fill you with his Holy Spirit and keep you full so you can be fruitful and obedient to God and your husband.
John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me
and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
BE FAITHFUL AND HOLD ON TO THE PROMISES:
1 Cor 15:57-58 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our
Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move
you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know
that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.If you remain faithful to Jesus and his ways, your labor will not be in vein. God is faithful and always accomplishes what he starts. You know God started working in your life when he showed you what to do so your husband could be saved.
Finally we have Jesusí own example to follow.
On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine." "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet." They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him. (John 2:1-2:11)
To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:21-23)
Even though Jesus knew the time to reveal himself had not yet come, he obeyed his mother. He not only obeyed her; but he honored her by making the best wine there was.
Even though Jesus knew revealing himself as the Son was not in God the Fatherís perfect will he stayed in Godís will by obeying his mother. Throughout the New Testament, we find that Jesus was without sin.
In Jesus we find the perfect example of obeying. He was obedient even unto death on the cross so we could be saved.
Do not hinder your husbandís salvation Ė be submissive.