VIII

WHY IS HE JEALOUS

So full of artless jealousy is guilt,

It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

Trifles light as air

Are to the jealous confirmation strong

As proofs of holy writ.

By: Shakespeare

 

Your husband has a void in his life where God's love should be. This is why he constantly needs you to prove that you love him. He probably says, "If you love me, you will.."

He is lonely even though there are people around him. He wants you with him all the time or wants his buddies around constantly.

He has no purpose in life and feels that all he does is work, eat, pay bills and die. Without God, there is no purpose to his being. He may reach a point where he would prefer death to living without a purpose.

You can never fill the void in his life although he thinks you can. This is why you feel so smothered and frustrated.

He is in pain because of sin and lack of forgiveness: he just doesn't know why. Jesus' love is the only thing that can fill the void in his heart. Only He can make a man whole.

When we don't approve of our husbands and don't like them, they know it, If we stop loving them, they know it. They probably even know why. We tend to think "if he knows why," he will change. But, the Bible says he cannot change: it is beyond his capabilities. Since he cannot change, he feels guilty and assumes you are going to find someone else who will please you in every way. Even if you are not, that's what he thinks.

Your husband is a human being who thinks like all other human beings. Only Jesus can change a man and he has not had the benefit of God in him. You have to deal with reality and learn to live with the man you chose. There are some things you can do to offset jealousy.

Love him and let him know it: previous chapters have told you how. Accept him as he is and by separating the sin from the sinner, you can like him again. You have a track record of not liking or loving him. It may take a little time for it to sink in that you fell in love with him again. He will notice something is different right away: true love cannot be hidden.

As he realizes he is your choice and you love him, the jealousy will diminish. He probably will fall in love with you all over again and start treating you better.

You and your husband are in a vicious circle and one of you has to break the circle in order to love again. Since you have Jesus in you to help you, you are the one who has to break the angry circle and start a circle of love.

Remember that you will reap what you sow. If you sow anger, you will receive anger. If you sow love, you will receive love. Until the circle of love is in full swing, there are some things you can do or not do to alleviate some of the jealousy. Most of these things you will need to do until Jesus saves him and a few even after.

Godly love is different from worldly love. In the world, sex is love and you are a possession. With Godly love, you are a person of worth who has feelings and sex is an expression of love. Until your husband falls in love with Jesus, he will not have any Godly love to give.

Be careful how you dress. If you leave the house in skimpy attire, he will assume you are trying to attract someone of the opposite sex. Dress modestly and wear your makeup in moderation. Too much makeup is unbecoming; but your husband will associate too much makeup with the women he sees in bars trying to pick up men.

Do not talk about other men. Your husband will think you talk about them because you feel attracted to them. Talk about things you have in common with your husband and generally about work. You don't need to be specific to tell him about something interesting that happened.

If you go out with your husband, give him your undivided attention and dance only with him. This will give him assurance that you love him and not someone else.

Daydream about sex with your husband: especially remember what it was like when you first married. Think about the times it was good and you will be ready and willing when he is. Sex is very important to him (he thinks it is love) and if you make the advances occasionally, he will feel like you love him. If you never want sex, he will assume you are getting it from someone else.

The world has changed and some women think it is OK to go out with the girls at night. NEVER GO OUT WITH THE GIRLS AT NIGHT! He will assume you are going out to pick up a man. Even after he becomes a Christian, he would wonder about that. Don't you wonder about such if he goes out with the boys?

Eating lunch with a friend or doing something with a couple (including your husband) is OK. Never put your friends or parents ahead of your husband. He is and should be the most important person in your life. His feelings should always come first. If you generally treat your husband the way you would like to be treated, he will feel secure in your relationship.

Remember that it is the little things that make a difference: a kiss, a hug, getting him a drink, preparing his meals, telling him you love him, a smile just for him, holding his hand, sitting close to him, etc. You get the idea - you know what he likes.

If you have allowed Jesus to love your husband through you, you already have a type of love for your husband. When you start deliberately being romantic with your husband, you will find yourself falling in love with him all over again.

There are many ways you can show your husband you love him. You should keep the house clean and his meals ready on time. He will feel more relaxed and comfortable at home. You should keep his laundry done and put in their proper places. He will get very upset if he can't find them. You should great him with a smile and kiss when he comes home from work. Save any problems until after he has had time to relax and have his evening meal. You will find him more amiable and helpful. He will feel loved, wanted and less oppressed.

If he needs some time alone, take the children to the park but only with his permission. Train your children to love Dad and respect him. Respect is a misunderstood word. You show respect by caring about each otherís feelings and needs. A person is respected if they are looked up to and copied. If you respect your husband, your children will. Tell your children about the things you respect your husband for and they will respect him also. If you put him down, your children will not respect their Dad and this will cause them pain. They will feel insecure.

After your husband realizes you truly love him, he will be jealous less often.

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