IX

LIFE AFTER SALVATION

Some pray to marry the man they love,

My prayer will somewhat vary:

I humbly pray to Heaven above

That I love the man I marry.

By: Rose Pastor Stokes

Your husband is now a Christian and life has become a bed of roses. Oh? You forgot, roses do have thorns! Why aren't you happy? Could it be that things changed a little more than you expected?

  1. It feels like the man you married died and you are now living with a total stranger. You did not expect to mourn the passing of the old man - you miss him in spite of yourself. He was comfortable and you knew what to expect from him. Now there is a new person inside your husband's body. He looks the same: Or does he? His eyes are kinder and his face has changed slightly. He doesn't look as stern and his features are softer.

     

  2. You feel angry with him because he is so happy. Why? Because you still hurt from the past. God has forgiven him for all he has ever done. Now you must rid yourself of the last bits of bitterness. Ask Jesus to remove the anger and pain and love and forgive your husband through you.

     

  3. You feel neglected. You have been smothered for so many years that the absence of being smothered leaves a void in your life. He is no longer dependent on you to fill the love hole in his life. You will thank God that he no longer smothers you. You will eventually get used to your new freedom and appreciate it.

     

  4. He reads his Bible all the time when he is home. Now that he knows God is real, he wants to know everything about Him and what he needs to do to be in God's will. You will feel better if you pick up your Bible and re-read it. Study it along with your husband. It can't hurt and it will make you feel better. Let your husband lead in the Bible study. He will ask what you think on occasion and it is OK to tell him what you think if he asks. You may feel it is necessary for you to teach your husband: you are wrong. By doing what God said, God did a miracle and saved your husband. He has proven to you that he can deal with your husband already. Trust God to teach him.

    DO NOT NAG HIM ABOUT READING HIS BIBLE!! Charlotte had been a Christian for about a year or so. Her husband, Al, accepted Jesus and walked down the aisle seeking baptism. He was to be baptized the next week. Charlotte started nagging him about reading the Bible all the time and ignoring her. Before the week was up, Al was drinking again. He said something to the effect of you said you wanted a Christian husband, you get one, you complain - you don't know what you want and threw Charlotte out of the house.

    Charlotte came over to our house and I talked to her while my Al talked to her Al. Al let her come home; but, reverted back to his old self. It took Al and I three months to convince Charlotte to do what this book is telling you to do before she finally tried obeying her husband and keeping quiet. After she put the plan into practice, it only took two weeks before Al accepted Jesus and was baptized.

    Al and Charlotte started Bible study together this time and began to grow in the Lord together. That was ten years ago. Al is the ground's keeper for the Church now. He used to throw beer cans at the church as he passed each day. Now he laughs and says God has a sense of humor. Al picks up the beer cans that other people throw now and prays for whoever threw them. Charlotte is the Acteens leader and they both sing in the choir.

     

  5. All he talks about is God and church. He fell in love with Jesus. In a way he is having a love affair with Jesus. He will be happy to include you in his journey of faith. If you come across a scripture you do not understand, ask him what he thinks. Get involved in his dialog. You need to grow with him as a Christian. If you do not get involved, you will be left behind. He realizes that half his life is gone and he is in a hurry to catch up.

     

  6. You're still walking on eggs waiting for him to explode or revert back to his old self. As time passes, you will begin to relax and enjoy this new person because you will realize he is going to stay a new creation.

     

  7. He found that place in the Bible where it says a man is the head of the house and you are to obey him!

    Give him time. Pray for God to send his Holy Spirit to show your husband that he should love you into submission: not order it. Hand him this book and have him read it: especially the part "For Men Only (for the New Christian)". It would also help if he read everything in the Bible about husbands and love.

     

  8. You still do not trust your husband and feel guilty about it because the Bible says he is the head of the house.

    I have learned that if I ask Jesus to show Al or tell Al, He does. Knowing Jesus is guiding my husband helps me trust him. Question: Do you trust Jesus? As you and your husband grow in the Lord together, you will realize that you can trust your husband's judgment. As he makes decisions, you will realize they are sound judgements. In time, you will realize you can trust him.

     

  9. You feel uneasy around your husband. He is so different that you don't know how to act or how to talk to him. It takes time to get used to each other and feel comfortable again. You will find that he is more willing to talk to you than ever before. He will now be interested in your feelings and ideas. Be patient and you will appreciate this new man God has given you. Remember, God has created a new man (your husband) who is just right for you.

     

  10. He is so engrossed in turning the other cheek that you are afraid he will not even try to protect you or the children should the need arise. As he matures in Christ, he will realize or read in Romans that "love always protects." The Holy Spirit will show him what he is to say and do as a need arises. Remember what Jesus said, "who by worrying can add one day to their life." Trust Jesus to protect you and He will prepare your husband so he can protect you if the need ever arises.

     

  11. He has decided that insurance is not necessary. We should trust Jesus to protect us.

    Remind him that law requires some types of insurance and Jesus said we were to obey the law of the land.

    Also, remind him that Jesus gave each one of us different degrees of faith and he must have received more than you did.

    Finally, remind him that the Bible says a man is to present his wife without wrinkle or blemish. Since worry is a blemish (sin) that causes wrinkles, insurance would help alleviate that worry.

    This will probably convince him and he will have a good laugh about how weird women think.

    We disagree on some Bible verses and their meanings. The Holy Spirit brings unity. If you are in disagreement over some scriptures, it is best to leave them lay and pray together that God will lead both of you to the true meaning. Al and I have found there are some scriptures we still disagree on. But, as we have needed something in our walk with Jesus, the Holy Spirit has brought unity of mind.

    Maybe you and/or your husband are not ready to grow in certain areas. Sometimes God will not reveal something to you unless you are ready to use it. We sometimes think we are ready; but only God knows absolutely when we are. It is best not to argue about scripture because you will not change each other’s mind. Only God can change a person's mind. It is OK to express your opinions and then wait on God to reveal the truth.

     

  12. You saw your husband cry for the first time and it really shook you up.

    Non-Christian men say it is wrong to show emotions. The truth is they are afraid to show their vulnerability and don't trust anyone with the knowledge. A Christian man is no longer afraid. He trusts you to see him vulnerable. Even though he has not trusted you in the past, he now trusts Jesus and since you belong to Jesus, you must be trustworthy.

    Contrary to popular belief crying is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of trust and it takes strength of character to expose your vulnerable self.

     

  13. You can't agree on a Church.

God has a certain Church He wants us to join whether it is because we are to learn something there or He has a special job for us to do there. Usually it is a combination of both. Keep seeking. God will lead you to where he wants you to be. When you find the right church, you will agree.

It doesn't make any difference where you choose to worship God so long as you are a Christian. Let God lead you to the place where he wants you to be. When you have found the right place, you and your husband will experience the peace (calm confidence) that passes all understanding.

Al and I have found that when we are in agreement, we are in God's will. When we are not in agreement, we need to keep searching. This is true in all areas of our lives – not just finding the church God wants us to join. Only God knows what you need and he has a denomination or church just for you.

Al and I have found it very hard at times to find the church where the Lord wants us each time we move (we have moved a lot). Twice we have found the right one first time out. If we can't agree, we join the church of his choice. Occasionally we have joined the wrong church and have had to start seeking again. Not that there was anything wrong with the Churches we visited or left. That, just, was not were God wanted us. Always, when we find the right place, we are in total agreement.

 

14.    He has declared that you could not be a Christian and fear anything.

Hang in there: God will show him that he can still fear things. You might ask him to study 1 Kings 19 with you. Even though your husband is correct in saying we should not fear, the truth is we do at times. Thank God, He helps us overcome it.

15.    Everything is going wrong and you don't know why.

Ask your husband if he is praying for patience? New Christians usually do. Patience comes by tribulation, wisdom and by being strengthened by the Holy Spirit. Wisdom comes by tribulation or as a gift. Ask your husband if it wouldn't be wiser to pray for the Holy Spirit to strengthen him and give him the gift of wisdom. Also remind him that patience is a fruit of the spirit and he can ask the Holy Spirit to bear fruit through him.

It would take a complete other book to record all the changes you will observe in your husband. Most of them will be a joy and not a problem. I have only hit the high spots to try to help you get over the roughest areas.

It may be necessary for you and your husband to seek marriage counseling after he becomes a Christian. Please do not hesitate to go for help if you need it.

Linda accepted Jesus about three months before her husband. James came home one day and said he couldn't handle all this Jesus stuff anymore and he was leaving. Linda packed his bags, threw them out the door and told him she didn't need him because she had Jesus.

This really shook James up. He went seeking Jesus.

After James accepted Jesus, he found that place in the Bible where it says a man is the head of the house and his wife is supposed to obey him. They had a big fight that lasted days. They fought about everything and needed help bad. They were on the verge of divorce.

I told Linda they should see a good Christian marriage counselor. She was concerned that someone would find out. They also didn't have the money. They were very poor.

I gave Linda the telephone number of a Christian Marriage Counselor who would see them for free and was located 60 miles away. After four sessions, they were fine. This happened nine years ago. James is an ordained preacher now and they have a good marriage.

Most divorces happen right after the husband becomes a Christian. Usually its because the woman could not deal with the changes or could not get a handle on ridding herself of the pain and anger from years gone by. Sometimes its because the man decides his wife could not be a Christian and think differently from himself. In either case, you do not have Biblical grounds for divorce.

John was a police officer. He and his wife had been married for about seven years when he accepted Jesus. His wife could not get over the pain from the past and left him. John went for counseling with the Pastor. She would not talk to anyone about the problem and refused advice from everyone. They are divorced today.

Find a professional Christian marriage counselor – most churches can refer you to one. If your church doesn't know one, call the 700 Club or a Southern Baptist Convention office and they will tell you the closest place to receive help. Most denominations work together for the common good today.

God has created a new man especially for you. This truly is a marriage made in heaven. Why doesn't it feel that way? Because God is not through with you yet. Did you know that everything you have been doing to get your husband saved is what you are to continue doing as a wife. Be patient and you will fall deeply in love with this new person - you just need to get to know him and Jesus better.

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